Chapter 4: Writing for a Positive Effect
Teaching Suggestions

The focus on adaptation—tailoring the message to the readers to evoke the best possible response—continues with this chapter.  The key point here is that human beings, not automatons or information processors, are behind every act of communication.  The more one takes this fact into account, the more likely one is to achieve the desired communication goals.

Text Summary, Lecture Outline
Slide 4-1
As pointed out consistently in this text, clarity is not the only goal for business writing. You must also be concerned about the emotional effect of your words.

You might relate this chapter to the concept of “tone.”  Ask your students how they would define this concept and to give examples of how it can make or break communication.
Slide 4-2
Use this overview slide to introduce ways to achieve a positive effect.
Slide 4-3
You can use this slide to remind students of the importance of the “relationship context” for communication discussed in Chapter 1 and shown in the model on p. 15.
Use a Conversational Style
Slide 4-4
Writing in conversational language has a friendly effect, as this slide’s good examples show.

Many of us change character when we write. Instead of being our natural selves (warm and friendly), we become unduly formal and impersonal, perhaps under the impression that stiff or big words will impress.

In today’s ever-shifting business environment, where people often need to establish friendly relations quickly, it is a better strategy to write naturally and sincerely, as oneself (though oneself as a knowledgeable professional).

Two good ways to achieve a sincere, natural tone follow.
Slide 4-5
Cut out “rubber stamps.” Also called “clichés,” rubber stamps are words we use without thought every time a certain situation occurs. That is, we use them like “rubber stamps.”

Because they are used routinely, they communicate the effect of routine treatment.
 
Examples:
“This will acknowledge receipt of…..”
“This is to inform you….”
“In accordance with your instructions....”

Slides 4-6, 4-7, 4-8
Avoid the old “language of business.”  Many years ago a stiff and stilted style of writing was the rule in business.Although this “language of business” is no longer widely used, some remnants of it remain.

These unnatural expressions should be avoided. The bad and good examples on the slides should help students see why.

Use the You-Viewpoint
Slides 4-9, 4-10
Writing from the you-viewpoint is another technique for building goodwill.

You-viewpoint writing emphasizes the reader’s interests and concerns—the you and the your. It deemphasizes the we and the our.

But it is more than just using pronouns. It is an attitude of mind. It places the readers in the center of things—emphasizing their interests and showing concern for them.

Some claim that using the you-viewpoint is (1) insincere and (2) manipulative.

The arguments have merit, for it can be used to the point of being insincere. And it can be manipulative.

But it does not have to be either if you use it with genuine sincerity—and if you use it only to achieve ethical goals.
Accentuate the Positive
Slides 4-11, 4-12
Accenting the positive also helps create goodwill and pleasant relationships.

Look at the difference between the negative and positive wording in the examples on slide 4-11.

This does not mean that negative words are always inappropriate. They are strong, they command attention, and sometimes you will need to use them.

But most of the time you will find the positive words to be more useful.

Positive words tend to put readers in a good frame of mind; they build goodwill. Negative words—such as damage, error, mistake, problem, loss, and failure—produce the opposite effect.

Look at the examples on slide 4-12 and experience their negative emotional associations.
 
Be Courteous
Slide 4-13
As this slide says, a message full of pleases and thank-yous is not necessarily a courteous message.  As with the you-viewpoint, courtesy is a state of mind that shines through a message in a variety of ways.  This slide lists some of those ways.
Accent the Positive in Other Ways
There are other ways to achieve positive emphasis besides word choice.
Slide 4-14
You can put the positve content in positions of emphasis.
Slide 4-15
You can devote more space to the positive than to the negative.
Slide 4-16
You can use format (mechanical means) to foreground the positive.
Slide 4-17
These are good final words: to “treat your readers as intelligent people you understand and respect.”  Even when writing to someone with a low level of education or someone who has made an angry complaint, you will almost always get the best result if you bring out the best in them.

This would be a good time to call students’ attention to the Communication Matters box on p. 77.  See if they can make links between the advice you have just covered and Berne’s “Parent, Child, Adult” model of human interaction.

Answers for Critical Thinking Questions
1. Discuss this comment: “Getting the goodwill effect requires effort. It takes extra time, and time costs money.”

For the beginner, writing for goodwill effect does require extra time and effort.  Over time, as one gains skill in the goodwill techniques, the extra effort and time required decrease. Eventually, writing to gain goodwill becomes natural and easy. On the matter of extra cost, however, the argument doesn’t hold. Goodwill is worth money. Thus, goodwill makes rather than costs money.

2. “Our normal conversation is filled with error. Typically it is crude and awkward. So why make our writing sound conversational?” Discuss.

Writing in a conversational style doesn’t mean writing exactly as one talks. It means using words from one’s speaking vocabulary and giving the effect of conversation. Such writing can and should be correct.

3. “If a company really wants to impress the readers of its messages, the messages should be formal and should include common business expressions.” Discuss.

Unduly formal language will impress some people. But its effect is stiff and cold to most readers, and a stiff and cold effect hurts goodwill. Likewise, many common business expressions are clichés that add an impersonal effect, which also damages goodwill.

4. “If you can find words, sentences, or phrases that cover a general situation, why not use them every time that general situation comes about? Using such rubber stamps would save time, and in business, time is money.” Discuss.

The effectiveness of business writing is enhanced by giving the impression of individual treatment. Rubber stamps leave the impression of routine and general treatment. Perhaps using them would save time for some people, but the loss in effectiveness of the message would more than offset any gains.

5. Discuss this comment: “The you-viewpoint is insincere and deceitful.”

If it is used insincerely, the you-viewpoint can be dishonest. But it can and should be used sincerely. There is nothing dishonest about one person having a genuine interest in another person, which is what the you-viewpoint is all about.

6. Evaluate this comment: “It’s hard to argue against courtesy. But businesspeople don’t have time to spend extra effort on it. Anyway, they want their documents to go straight to the point—without wasting words and without sugar coating.”

Certainly businesspeople appreciate efficiency, but not when it seems blunt and discourteous. Courtesy pays off. Often it requires no extra wording. But usually when it requires extra words, the extra words are appreciated.

7. “I like writers who shoot straight. When they are happy, you know it. When they are angry, they let you know.” Discuss.

Certain personality types prefer directness at all time. But most people do not like directness when the situation is negative. Most of us are offended by blunt and harsh treatment.
 
8. A writer wants to include a certain negative point in a message and to give it little emphasis. Discuss each of the four basic emphasis techniques as they relate to what can be done.

The writer could (1) place it in a position of little emphasis (away from beginnings and endings of the letter and the paragraphs), (2) give it minimal space, (3) put it in a subordinate part of a long sentence, or (4) use mechanical means (formatting) to make the positive contents stand out more.

9. Imagine that a customer has written to complain about the lack of attention that she received when visiting a paint store.  The manager’s responding letter explains why the sales staff were so busy, offers to make a special appointment with the customer to discuss her decorating needs, and then ends with the following paragraph:  “We do apologize again for any inconvenience that this situation caused you.  We thank you for your understanding.  Please do not hesitate to contact us again if we ever fall short of the superior service that you have come to expect from us.” If the manger asked you for your feedback on this letter, what would you say?  It’s full of polite expressions.  Is it a good concluding paragraph? Discuss.

Although well intended, this ending is negative.  Inconvenience and fall short are negative words.  And the apology brings to mind the negative situation that brought about the complaint.  The positive information presented earlier in the message is offset by these negatives.

Suggested Solutions to the Critical Thinking Exercises
Using a Conversational Style
Instructions: Rewrite Sentences 1-11 in conversational style.

1. I hereby acknowledge receipt of your July 7 letter.
Thank you for your July 7 letter. (Or cover as an incidental reference in a sentence that says something more important—”. . . as described in your July 7 letter, . . .”—or in a subject line—“Subject: Your July 7 letter about . . . .”)

2. Anticipating your reply by return mail, I remain . . . .
I’ll appreciate an early reply.

3. Attached please find receipt requested in your May 1st inquiry.
Attached is the receipt you requested May 1.

4. You are hereby advised to endorse the enclosed proposal and return same to the undersigned.
 

Please endorse the proposal and return it.

5. This is to advise that henceforth all invoices will be submitted in duplicate.
From now on, please submit all invoices in duplicate.

6. Kindly be advised that permission is hereby granted to delay remittance until the 12th.
You now have until the 12th to pay.

7. Replying to your letter of the 3rd, we deem it a great pleasure to accept your kind offer to serve on the committee.
I’d be happy to serve on the committee.

8. Please be advised that, with regard to above invoice, this office finds that partial payment of $312 was submitted on delivery date.
Our records show that we paid $312 on this invoice on the delivery date.

9. I am submitting under separate cover the report you requested.
I am sending the report you requested separately.

10. In reply to your letter of May 10, please be informed that this office heretofore has generously supported funding activities of your organization.
While we have donated over $400 to the funding activities you mentioned in your May 10 letter, . . . .

11. Kindly advise the undersigned as to your availability for participation in the program.
Please tell me when you can participate in the program.
Using the You-Viewpoint
Instructions: Sentences 12-26. Rewrite the following using you-viewpoint. You may need to add additional material.

12. Company policy requires that you submit the warranty agreement within two weeks of sale.
To be covered by the warranty, you will need to submit the signed agreement to us within two weeks after the sale.

13. We will be pleased to deliver your order by the 12th.
You will receive the goods you ordered by the 12th.

14. We have worked for 37 years to build the best lawnmowers for our customers.
Our 37 years of experience have enabled us to offer you the best possible lawnmower at the lowest possible price.

15. Today we are shipping the goods you ordered February 3.
You should receive the goods you ordered onFebruary 3 within three business days.

16. (From an application letter) I have seven years of successful experience selling office supplies.
My seven years of selling office equipment will help me sell for you.

17. (From an email to employees) We take pleasure in announcing that, effective today, the company will give a 20 percent discount on all purchases made by employees.
Effective today you will receive a 20 percent discount on all purchases you make from us.

18. We are happy to report approval of your application for membership.
You have been approved for membership.

19. Items desired should be checked on the enclosed order form.
Please check the items you want on the enclosed order form.

20. Our long experience in the book business has enabled us to provide the best customer service possible.
Our long experience assures you of getting the best service possible.

21. So that we can sell at discount prices, we cannot permit returns of sale merchandise.
So that you may enjoy discount prices, all purchases at sales prices must be final.

22. We invite you to buy from the enclosed catalog.
You will find many good buys in the enclosed catalog.

23. Tony’s Red Beans have an exciting, spicy taste.
You will enjoy the exciting, spicy flavor of Tony’s Red Beans.

24. We give a 2 percent discount when payment is made within 10 days.
You receive a 2 percent discount by paying within 10 days.

25. I am pleased to inform you that I can grant your request for payment of travel expenses.
Your request for travel expenses is approved.

26. We cannot permit you to attend classes on company time unless the course is related to your work assignment.
You may attend classes on company time to take a course related to your work.
Accenting the Positive
Instructions: Sentences 27-41. Underscore all negative words in these sentences. Then rewrite the sentences for a positive effect. Use your imagination to envision the situation for each.

27. Your misunderstanding of our January 7 email caused you to make this mistake.
As our January 7 email stated, “. . . “ (here you would quote the key parts).

28. We hope this delay has not inconvenienced you. If you will be patient, we will get this order to you as soon as our supply is replenished.
You will receive the goods you ordered as soon as our supply is replenished.

29. We regret that we must call your attention to our policy of prohibiting refunds for merchandise bought at discount.
All discount sales must be final.

30. Your negligence in this matter caused the damage to the equipment.
Exposure to intense sunlight caused the material to harden.

31. You cannot visit the plant except on Saturdays.
You may visit the plant only on Saturdays.

32. We are disappointed to learn from your July 7 email that you are having trouble with our Model 7 motor.
We appreciate your bringing your experience with the Model 7 motor to our attention.

33. Tuff-Boy work clothing is not made from cloth that shrinks or fades.
Tuff-Boy work clothing is made from shrink-proof, fade-proof material.

34. Our Stone-skin material won’t do the job unless it is reinforced.
Our Stone-skin material will do the job if it is reinforced.

35. Even though you were late in paying the bill, we did not disallow the discount.
For the month of May, we have allowed the discount even though payment was received after the 10th. 

36. We were sorry to learn of the disappointing service you have had from our sales force, but we feel we have corrected all mistakes with recent personnel changes.
Changes in our sales force will ensure that you enjoy the quality service you have come to expect from us.

37. We have received your complaint of the 7th in which you claim that our product was defective and have thoroughly investigated the matter.
As you requested in your December 7 letter, we have thoroughly investigated the performance of your Samsung Copier.

38. I regret the necessity of calling your attention to our letter of May 1.
Please refer to our letter of May 1.

39. We have received your undated letter which you sent to the wrong office.
Your recent letter has been forwarded to us.

40. I regret to have to say that I will be unable to speak at your conference, as I have a prior commitment.
Because I have a prior commitment on the date of your conference, may I suggest that you invite Ms. Clara Shattle to speak?

41. Do not walk on the grass.
Please walk on the sidewalk.
 
Related discussion/exercises:
 For an additional class activity focusing on you-viewpoint and positive wording, you can have you class view the Manager’s Hot Seat videos “Ethics: Let’s Make a Fourth Quarter Deal,” “Negotiation: Thawing the Salary Freeze,” and/or “Change: More Pain than Gain?”—available on the text’s Online Learning Center—and discuss how the participants’ communication styles could have been improved.

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