Chapter 8: Indirectness in Persuasive Messages
Teaching Suggestions

The teaching techniques for this chapter are the same as for the preceding two chapters—see Chapter 6, page 6-1.
Text Summary, Lecture Outline
Slide 8-1
You can use this slide to discuss the importance of persuasive writing in business.  Such messages are frequently written both internally and externally.  Ask students to give examples of both types.

Point out that persuasive messages are often written in the indirect order.  Ask students why—and lead them to the answer:  that you are moving the reader from one position or attitude to another.  This effort usually means starting with something the reader cares about and moving to what you care about—in other words, getting to your point indirectly.

As the book says, you do not want your reader, at any point, to think “no.”  This means writing the message so that his/her interests and values are the focus from beginning to end.

Slide 8-2
The chapter will begin with some advice that pertains to all kinds of persuasive messages.  Then it will cover the three most common types in business:  persuasive requests, sales messages, and proposals.

General Advice about Persuasion
Slides 8-3, 8-4, 8-5, 8-6, 8-7
Following are some important concepts, terminology, and advice that can help you have good class discussions about persuasion, both when analyzing it in general and when analyzing  and evaluating a specific persuasive case or message.

When you want to persuade, it is critical that you know your readers.

This is always important, but it is of paramount importance when persuading. You can formally gather information about your readers (study marketing reports, conduct surveys and focus groups, etc.).
 
Or you can informally gather information about them (speak with sales, service, and marketing personnel; look at prior messages that have succeeded; collect your memories and thoughts from previous interactions; etc.).

Once you’ve profiled your readers’ characteristics, needs, and values, you are ready to choose and develop targeted reader benefits.

These can be tangible (ea., saves time, money, trouble) . . .
Or intangible (ea., will make the reader feel good, gain prestige, etc.).
 

They can be intrinsic (part of the product or service being sold or action being requested) . . .
Or extrinsic (added on, as an extra incentive).

Which kinds of benefits are best depends on the situation, but caution students against relying too much on extrinsic benefits.  These do not have a lasting effect and may cheapen the reader’s perception of the intrinsic benefits.

Also be sure that your students understand the difference between product features and product benefits.  Saying that a certain washing machine can clean a large load of laundry in 25 minutes is describing a feature; saying that it enables you to “do your laundry in half the time” or “gives you more time with your family” is bringing out a reader benefit.

This section also describes a useful strategy for developing reader benefits:  scenario painting.  This is writing that depicts the reader using and enjoying the benefits.  Inviting readers to imagine themselves in a specific positive situation brought about by doing as the writer asks is a powerful persuasive technique.

As Aristotle pointed out over 2,000 years ago, writers have a range of appeals to choose from when constructing a persuasive message.  These can be categorized as follows:

 Logic-based appeals (logos, in the Greek)
 Emotion-based appeals (pathos)
 Character-based appeals (ethos)

You can help students understand what these are by asking them to describe television commercials they’ve seen that, in turn, rely mostly on logic (ads that rely on science and/or numbers, such as a car-insurance ad that focuses on its low premiums and deductibles), emotion (such as tire commercials that focus on babies’ safety or commercials for sexy jeans), and the spokesperson or character of the company (such as ads featuring a popular sports or movie star, or ads that make the company seem funny and “cool”).

 Finally, students should be careful to devote sufficient thought to planning the action part of the message.  They need to

Make the desired action clear, and
Make it as easy as possible for the reader to perform.

You might discuss a sample scenario in which graduating seniors are being asked to submit information about the jobs they’ve been offered (the hiring company, salary, etc.) to their university’s career counseling office.  What are several ways one might have them submit the information?  How could one make the desired action as simple as possible to perform?   Answers can range from creating an easy-to-fill-in paper form to having them submit the information at the bottom of something else they’re turning in, to having them click on a Web link and put the information into form fields.  Clearly one would have to think about the options and choose/develop the one that seemed best under the circumstances.

Persuasive Requests
Slides 8-8, 8-9
These are messages that seek something the reader is likely to resist. Persuasion (or “selling”) is necessary. More specifically, you will need to reason with the reader—presenting facts and logic that support your case.

Hence, planning the persuasion is a first step in writing these messages.
 

It involves using your imagination—developing a strategy that will move the reader to accept your proposal.

You can do this best by placing yourself in your reader’s shoes and determining the reader’s objections. Then think about what can be said to overcome these objections.

The Opening

As with other types of indirect messages, the beginning of this type should set up the explanation.

But the beginnings of persuasive messages have an additional goal: to gain attention.

You are writing to someone who probably does not agree with your goal. He or she has little or no interest in receiving what you have to say. Thus, you need to gain this person’s attention.

Determining how to gain attention requires both imagination and logic; it requires being able to imagine yourself in the reader’s shoes and to find a logical link between the topic of the message and the reader’s likely interests.

For example, for the beginning of a message seeking to persuade medical doctors to give you their opinions, you might write, “What in your opinion as a medical doctor is the future of the private practice of medicine?”

Or to take another example, for a message requesting contributions for orphaned children, you might write, “While you and I dined heartily last night, 31 orphans at San Pablo Mission had only dried beans to eat.”

Body

Following the attention-gaining opening, you present the reasoning this opening has set up.

To do this, you do more than just list points—you persuade.

You use words that convince.

You use you-viewpoint.

And make your words travel fast, for slow-moving messages lead the reader to become impatient.

Then, when you have persuaded the reader to accept your proposal, you ask for what you seek.

If you have done the persuading adequately, this part follows naturally.

Choose the words that make your request with care, for the request is the riskiest part of your message.

Avoid any wording that detracts from the request.

And avoid words that bring to mind pictures and things that might work against you—such as reminders of reasons for refusing.

For example, do not write it like this: “I am aware that businesspeople in your position have little free time to give, but will you please consider accepting an assignment to the board of directors of the Children’s Fund?”

Instead, write something like this: “Because your organizing skills are so desperately needed, will you please serve on the board of directors of the Children’s Fund?”
 
The Close

The request can end the message.

But sometimes it helps to follow it with additional words of explanation.

This plan is especially effective when a long persuasion effort is needed and it is not practical to present it all before stating your goal.

Sometimes you may choose to follow the request with a reminder of an appeal you used in your persuasion—to emphasize a benefit the reader will receive by complying.

Slides 8-10, 8-11, 8-12, 8-13, 8-14
The slides contain a good illustration of a persuasive request that follows the previous advice.

Sales Messages
Slide 8-15
Your students may never write a professional-quality sales message.  But you can tell them that practice in sales writing can benefit them.

It will help them write other types of messages, for in a sense every message sells something—an idea, a line of reasoning, your company, yourself.

Slide 8-16
Before getting into sales techniques, it is good to help your students think critically about selling.  Sales messages can often be challenged on ethical grounds.

For example, they clog people’s mailboxes and “in” boxes (though a law now requires email sales messages to allow people to opt out of future messages).
Sometimes they use manipulative or even deceptive wording.
Sometimes they use manipulative or even deceptive visuals.

There are many ethically dubious techniques in use out there, some of them downright illegal (for example, “phishing”—using a website masquerading as well-known company’s website to get people to submit their social security numbers and other private information).  There are several examples in the book, and you can invite your students to share others they know about.

Talk with your class about what makes a sales message ethical.  Concepts such as truthfulness and enabling readers to make reasoned decisions should come out, and your discussion may generate others.

Slide 8-17
You begin preparation for writing this kind of message by studying your product or service and your prospects.
 
You simply cannot sell something you do not know.

So learn what you can about the product (or service)—how it is made, how it works, what it will do, what it will not do.

And learn about your prospects—their needs, economic status, ages, financial status, education, and other qualities.

In large businesses, much of the information about prospects is gathered by marketing research departments.  Invite your students to discuss market-research techniques that they are familiar with.

Slide 8-18
Next, you should plan the message around the main appeal (or appeals) that you will use.

Logical or rational appeals are appeals to the reason—for example, saving money, saving time, safety, durability.  Some products naturally lend themselves to the use of rational appeals—products like mechanic’s tools, automobile tires, industrial motors, and farm implements.

Emotional appeals involve the nonthinking mind.  They are based on love, fear, taste, desire for  acceptance, the need to feel good about oneself, appreciation of beauty, and the like.  Some products lend themselves well to the use of emotional appeals—perfume, jewelry, high fashions.

And character-based appeals invite compliance based on the authority and personality of the spokesperson—such as a celebrity, professional, or projected image of the company.  This appeal is not likely to be used alone, but it is present in any persuasive message.

Slide 8-19
A part of your planning is also to determine the makeup of the mailing.

So determine what the package will consist of—what links, attachments, brochures, leaflets, and so forth you will include.

You can also think about special components of the main message.  For example, if you are writing a letter, will it be individually addressed (most sales letters are mass produced), or will it have an impersonal salutation (Dear Homeowner)?  Will you use any kind of attention device, such as color, lines, diagrams, boxes, and cartoons?  A logo? A photograph? A special font or layout for the text?

With your preliminary thinking done, you are ready to write.  Various patterns may be used, but there is a conventional order.

Slides 8-20, 8-21
The Opening

The opening has one basic requirement—to gain attention.

If it does not, the message has failed. If it is a letter, it goes into a wastebasket. If an email, it is deleted.
 
How you gain attention is a part of your creative effort. So use your imagination.

Whatever you decide on, it must also assist in your sales plan. It should lead smoothly into the sales presentation that follows.

One often-used plan is to begin with a statement or question that introduces a need that the product will satisfy.

Example:
“Here is a proven best-seller—and with a 12 percent greater markup!”
or
“Can you use an employee who not only works free of charge but also pays you for the privilege of serving your clientele 24 hours a day?”

An emotional appeal might well begin with words that describe an emotional reward the product or service will provide. For example,

“Your line hums as it whirs through the air. Your lure splashes and dances across the smooth surface of the clear water as you reel. From the depth you see the silver streak of a striking bass. You feel a sharp tug. And the battle is on.” (from a letter selling a trip to a fishing resort)

Story beginnings sometimes are used:

“A knock at the door, a swirl of snow over the threshold—and standing in the warm glow of the hall light was little Joe. His thin jacket was drawn tightly around his small body. ‘I’m here, Father. I’m here for an education,’ he blurted out.” (from a letter selling sponsor memberships to Boy’s Town)

One currently popular technique for email selling is to begin with the main benefit or result.

Content

The sales message follows.

The structure of this part will vary with your imagination. But it will present your product or service using the reader-based appeals you have selected.

Remember that the you-viewpoint is extremely important in sales writing and use it throughout. Compare these examples:

“Star mixers will be advertised in People for the next three issues.”
vs.
“Your customers will read about the new Star mixer in the next three issues of People.”

“We make Aristocrat hosiery in three shades.”
vs.
“You may choose from three lovely shades…” 

“Lime-Fizz tastes fresh and exciting.”
vs.
“You’ll like the fresh, exciting taste of Lime Fizz.”

Make certain you present enough information to complete the sale. This means answering all the questions the reader might ask. And it means presenting enough information to convince the reader.
 
Much of this information can be supplied by other enclosures. But be careful that you do not shift too much of the sales presentation to the enclosures. As a general rule, the letter should carry your basic sales message. The enclosures present the supporting details.

The Close (drive for action)

After you have convinced the reader, you drive for the sale.

How you do this depends on your chosen strategy.

Sometimes a strong urge to act is a part of the plan: “Order your copy today—while it’s on your mind.”

A milder drive may fit your plan better: “Won’t you make a generous donation today?”

For good results, you may choose to take the reader through the motions: “Just check your preferences on the enclosed stamped and addressed order form. Then drop it in the mail today.”

Some sales writers recommend a strong urge to action: “Do it now, while it is on your mind!’’ or “Act now!”

And some suggest tying the urge to act with a reason for acting fast:  “. . . so that you can be ready for the Christmas rush.”

A good closing technique is to recall the basic appeal, associating it with the benefits the reader gains by having the product or service.

Example:
(from the emotional appeal letter selling a fishing vacation) “It’s your reservation for a week of battle with the fightingest bass in the Southland.”

Postscripts (P.S. messages) sometimes are a planned part of the sales letter.

They can be used effectively to urge action, to reemphasize a major appeal, to invite attention to Enclosures, or serve any other purpose that will add a persuasive touch.

Example:
“P.S. Don’t forget! If you decide Action is not for you, we’ll give you every cent of your money back. We are that confident that Action will become one of your favorite magazines.”

“P.S. Hurry! Save while this special money-saving offer lasts.”

Slides 8-22 through 8-31
The slides present three sample sales messages that follow the advice in this chapter.  Help students see how.

Proposals
Slide 8-32
Like reports, proposals are based on research and can range widely in format, length, and formality.  They can also be directly or indirectly organized. But unlike reports, proposals are overtly persuasive.
 
Slide 8-33
Proposals may be internal or external:
Internal proposals will be a major means by which you will get what you
need in order to do or enhance your job (such as more/better equipment, more personnel, and so forth).
External proposals are written mainly to acquire business for a company
or money from a grant-awarding organization.

They may be solicited or unsolicited:
A solicited proposal is invited (usually through an RFP—Request
for Proposals).
An unsolicited proposal is uninvited (it therefore needs to resemble a
sales message).

Slide 8-34
The following proposal elements have become common because they answer proposal readers’ likely questions.  Still, variations on, and combinations of, these abound, so be sure to adapt this list of possible topics to your particular situation.

Writer’s purpose (shows understanding of reader’s need)
Background (contextualizes the problem and proposed solution)
Need (elaborates on why the proposed solution is needed)
Description of plan (presents what the writer intends to do)
Benefits of the proposed plan (convinces readers of proposal’s worth)
Particulars (covers any costs, delivery information, etc.)
Evidence of ability to deliver (establishes writer’s ability to carry out what
is proposed)
Concluding comments (stresses taking action on the proposal)

When creating any proposal—long or short, formal or informal, internal or external, solicited or unsolicited—consider the three main criteria that readers of business proposals bring to the evaluation process:

Desirability of the solution (Do we need this?  Will it solve our problem?)
Qualifications of the proposer (Can the author or his/her company really deliver?)
Return on investment (Will the benefits of adopting the proposal outweigh the costs?)

Slides 8-35 through 8-40
Here are the beginnings of the sections of a sample solicited proposal.  As the slide notes say, you might point out that the writer of this proposal chose economy (saving money) as the primary appeal.  Other writers might have chosen having a more harmonious workplace or some other goal as the primary reader benefit.  It’s up to the writer to choose the appeal that will enable him/her to create the best argument—and then to follow through with the details that will support that argument.

Slides 8-41, 8-42
These slides show the more indirect approach taken by an unsolicited proposal. After analyzing how the writer grabs and maintains the readers’ interest in the first slide, see if students can anticipate a logical structure for the rest of this proposal.  The next slide provides one logical plan.
 
Slide 8-43
This slide enables you to do an exercise that will help prepare students to do the first proposal-writing case (#21, page 246).

Slide 8-44
This final quote points to the need for creativity in persuasive writing.  That, combined with careful analysis of topic and reader, can yield powerful results.

Answers for Critical Thinking Questions

Explain why a persuasive-request message is usually written in the indirect order. Could the direct order ever be used for such messages? Discuss.

Persuasive requests are written when we assume the reader is likely to oppose the request. If we were to assume otherwise, we would use the direct approach. The indirect approach has developed over time as the best to use in such cases. It has been tested by experience (primarily in sales) and has the support of logic. A direct approach would produce negative reactions that would have to be overcome. An indirect approach permits one to justify and explain and thereby condition the reader to receive the negative message. Of course, one could use the direct approach for persuasion, but it would be less likely to work than an indirect plan.

What is the role of the you-viewpoint in persuasive requests?

Most people react favorably to words that emphasize them and their interests. You-viewpoint writing does this. Thus it is a vital part of the persuasion that must be used in these messages.

Compare persuasive requests and sales messages.  What traits do they share?  How are they different?

Both messages have the goal of persuading the reader to do something the writer wants done. The sales message attempts to persuade the reader to buy a product or service. The persuasive request attempts to persuade the reader to comply with the writer’s request.

Sales messages tend to be much flashier, in terms of both wording and visual elements.  People have probably come to expect the degree of impersonality that this quality imparts to the message (even to ones that seem “personal”).  They expect persuasive requests, generally, to be less glitzy, more genuinely personal.

Consider ads that you have seen on television.  Which ones rely heavily on emotional appeals?  Which on logical appeals?  Which on character-based appeals?  Do the chosen appeals seem appropriate given the product, service, or cause that is being promoted?

Here are some possible answers:

Emotional:  Perfume, make-up, clothing, humanitarian causes

Logical:  Investment services (though these more and more rely on emotion), toothpaste, medicine (though these often use emotion, too), Internet service providers, cell-phone plans, tires (though the safety element has been linked heavily to emotion, too)

Character-based:  toothpaste (usually features a “dentist”), pet-care products (often feature a “veterinarian”), any commercial relying heavily on a spokesperson, any commercial in which the company projects a striking personality (ea. Geico, Verizon, Gap, Macintosh).

Think of a television, radio, print, email, or Internet sales message or persuasive request that you regard as especially effective.  Explain why you think it was well designed.

Evaluate each student’s analysis based on the concepts and advice in this chapter.

What appeals would be appropriate for the following products when they are being sold to consumers?

The answers will vary somewhat, and any answer that can be defended logically is acceptable. Following are some logical suggestions of specific appeals:

shaving cream—smoothness of shave, aroma, invigorating effect
carpenter’s tools—durability, quality of craftsmanship
fresh vegetables—freshness, quality, flavor, price
software—performance, work saving, ease of use, price
lubricating oil—quality, protection of equipment, price
perfume—romance, adventure, elegance
CD players—sound quality, performance, price, compactness
women’s dresses—fashion consciousness, quality, personal appearance, social status, price
fancy candy—taste, quality, elegance
hand soap—cleansing ability, moisturizing ability, aroma, price,

When could you justify addressing sales letters to “occupant”? When to each reader by name?

This is a thought question. Although widely criticized, the use of “occupant” (or a similar term, such as “Resident”) in sales letter addresses is widespread. It is most easily justified when the market consists of all households in an area and when the readers’ mailing addresses are not known. It is a mass market technique—a means of thoroughly covering an area. Personal addresses are more effective, but they cost more to use. They should be used whenever the potential market consists of a part of the total population and when you have a list of names of people in this market.

“Rarely should a sales letter exceed a page in length.” Discuss this statement.

Most of the sales letters written today are longer than a page. Many are four pages and longer. The feeling among professional writers appears to be that an interested reader will read the whole message. Thus the emphasis should be on conviction and completeness rather than economy of information.

Should the traditional sales-message organization discussed in the text ever be altered? Discuss.

The plan presented in the textbook is not presented as the one and only plan to use. Innovation and imagination often pay off. New plans, new ideas, and new strategies often produce satisfactory results. Actually, almost anything goes that will lead to sales.

Consider, for example, the relatively new technique of formatting magazine-subscription sales messages as invoices.  Some could view this use of the invoice genre as tricky and unethical.  But others might consider it an innovative way to turn a prospect into a subscriber.

Discuss the relationship between the sales message and its accompanying support information in an example you’ve seen.  What was the purpose of each piece?

All the parts should be coordinated to produce a comprehensive sales effort. The sales message typically highlights the major sales points. The support material repeats these points and includes supporting details.

See if someone can bring in a sales message with several parts so that the whole class can analyze the purpose and coordination of the pieces.

When do you think a strong drive for action is appropriate in a sales message? When do you think a weak drive is appropriate?

This is a thought question. The strength of the drive for action varies with the sales strategy used. But the authorities do not agree on how to use strategy. Some feel that mild drives are appropriate for sophisticated readers and that strong drives are appropriate for the less sophisticated readers. Some feel that strength of the strategy should vary by product, by price, by economic level of prospects, and by other factors. At the least, the question should get students thinking about this part of any sales message.

Think of a sample persuasive request or sales message that you regard as ethically questionable.  Discuss the nature of the ethical problems.

Evaluate each student’s analysis based on the book and class discussion of this topic.

“To be successful, a proposal must be persuasive. This quality makes the proposal different from most short reports (which stress objectivity).” Discuss.

The discussion should acknowledge the truth of the statement.  The primary goal of all proposals is to persuade. Some short reports (recommendation reports) do advocate action—but on the basis of objectively information, and not to benefit the writer personally.

Discuss the differences between solicited and unsolicited proposals.

Solicited proposals are invited via RFPs or notices of available grant money.  They can therefore begin directly, and they should follow the specific contents and format guidelines in the solicitation.  Unsolicited ones need to be more creative.  Like sales messages, they need to gain attention up front and then hold the readers’ interest throughout.  The writer thus has more latitude about what to say, when, and how.

For what kind of situations might you select email format for your proposal?  Letter format?  A longer, report-like format?

Certainly, short internal proposals can use email format.  Longer internal proposals for high-ranking staff, however, may need to be written up in report format and then either physically delivered or emailed as an attachment.  Letter format would be most appropriate for relatively short proposals to external audiences.  Longer reports to these audiences would be more appropriately put in report form, with a letter of transmittal at the front.

 “I don’t need to discuss my readers’ needs in my proposal.  They know what their needs are and don’t want to waste time reading about them.”  Discuss.

As the chapter says, it can be very effective to describe the readers’ needs in a proposal.  First, these can be worded so that the readers’ understanding of them is shaped in such a way that the solution you are offering will seem like the best answer to the problem.  In other words, you can state the needs so that they lead logically to what you are offering.  But clearly stating the readers’ needs also shows that you understand them.  This gives you credibility.
 
Suggested Answers to the Critical Thinking Exercises

Assume that, as a volunteer for a nonprofit organization in your town, you have been asked to write the next fundraising letter for the organization. In what ways might you gather enough information about the intended readers to write a successful message?

Students can offer a variety of answers here.  They could interview the organization’s key employees, study any documents that profile the organization’s supporters (such as annual reports and grant proposals), study previous fundraising strategies that the organization has used, talk with some of the organization’s current supporters, talk with and read about people in the target audience, conduct a focus group or survey, etc.

List the tangible and intangible benefits that you might describe when promoting th following items or services:

Membership in a health club.

Tangible: get a good workout for your money, can use the most up-to-date and effective equipment, will be assisted by knowledgeable staff people who can help you create a personal training plan, and other benefits related to physical fitness and money.

Intangible: get to work out in a pleasant environment, can save time, will become more attractive to others, can socialize, can gain prestige by joining an exclusive club, etc.

High-speed Internet service or digital cable service.

Tangible: any appeal based on saving time and saving money.

Intangible: prestige gained from having the fastest Internet service or most advanced cable service, entertainment or educational value, friendliness of customer support staff, etc.

A certain line of clothing.

Tangible: appeals based on clothing quality and durability, practicality, price

Intangible: appeals based on style, fun, etc.

List some extrinsic benefits you might use as an extra push if you were promoting the items in number 2.

Membership in a health club:  free towel or water bottle with club’s logo, discount coupon for massage or personal training session, etc.

High-speed Internet service or digital cable service:  free 90-day trial of a special Internet service, free channel guide, etc.

A line of clothing:  free tote, coupon with a certain minimum purchase, etc.

For each item in number 2, list two likely product features and then turn them into reader benefits.

Membership in a health club:
Feature:  state-of-the-art equipment
Benefit:  effective workout, saving time and increasing fitness

Feature:  7 locations
 
Benefit:  convenient, saving effort and time and increasing the likelihood of your going

High-speed Internet service or digital cable service:
Feature:  Internet service is fast and powerful
Benefit:  saves time, enables you to enjoy memory-heavy websites, enables quick posting and receiving of blog entries and other interactivity, etc.

Feature:  offers over 100 channels
Benefit:  get to enjoy all your favorite channels

A line of clothing:
Feature: all-natural fibers
Benefits: lets your skin breathe; comfort

Feature: durable material
Benefit: a good value for the money; will enjoy the garment a long time

Choose one of the items in number 2 and write a paragraph that uses scenario painting to promote the item.

Answers will of course vary. Here’s one possible example:
Only an hour for lunch?  No problem.  With our seven convenient locations, you can pop into the club for a quick work-out, grab a shower, pick up some healthy goodies from our snack bar, and be back on the job refreshed and alert.

This message has some merit but also considerable room for improvement. Here’s one assessment:

The direct approach rarely is effective when persuasion is needed.

Even so, the opening is courteous and appeals to the reader’s self-esteem (he or she is needed).

The “We need you and you need us” strategy has some merit, although some may question its appropriateness as the main theme of the message.

The matter-of-fact presentation of information about the organization is bland. There is little reader viewpoint in it—little persuasion. It is primarily a description of what the organization is and does. The membership benefits could be developed much more.

“Please find enclosed…” is old-style wording.

The drive for action in paragraph 3 is somewhat blunt. The close of the paragraph brings up a social benefit, which has some merit. But it appears abruptly and could be developed more.

Here, too, the message has some merit but also considerable room for improvement. Here’s one assessment:

 “I’ll see you this Monday!”—may be a bit presumptuous, especially in view of the weak persuasive effort.

Even so, the close does suggest a benefit from making a positive response.

The opening has attention-getting value. It asks a question that is likely to trigger interest among the readers, and it is a question that the product being sold answers.

The tie-in between the opening and the presentation of the product information is smooth.

The order in which the product information is presented is somewhat jumbled and illogical. For example, price should be covered after other information has justified it.

The presentation of product information has some good content.

But it is matter-of-fact. There is little use of selling language—just bland product description. And there is scant you-viewpoint—too much “I”, “it tells,” and “there is” and not enough focus on the reader benefits.

The drive for action is somewhat blunt: “You must have it!” followed by a command and an urge to act now. This technique may be effective, but it does not appear to follow logically the weak selling done in preceding paragraphs.

Repetition of price information is probably unwise (though such information works better here than at the beginning).

Criticize each of the following parts of sales messages.

No one “correct” set of criticisms can be made of these sentences. The following comments represent one set of possible assessments.  (Notice that an example can have both strong and weak points.)

Email subject lines

Earn BIG profits NOW!!!
screams out message
concisely tells main message
emphasizes reader benefit
urges action now

Reduce expenses with an experienced consultant’s help.
somewhat bland
tells main sales message
too long

Free trial offer ends this week!
vague about the nature of the product or service
provides incentive for taking action now
creates curiosity

Openings
Product or Service: A Color Fax Machine

Now you can fax in color!
presents the major appeal in terms of reader use
wording is somewhat bland
somewhat lacking in attention-getting value
sets up sales presentation

Here is a full-color fax that will revolutionize the industry.
lacks reader involvement
exaggerated claim
questionable attention-getting value
 
sets up sales presentation

If you are a manufacturer, ad agency, architect,designer, engineer, or anyone who works with color images, the Statz Color Fax can improve the way you do business.
identifies its audience
good reader involvement
emphasizes reader benefit
questionable attention-getting value
sets up sales presentation

Product or Service: A Financial Consulting Service

Would you hire yourself to manage your portfolio?
good attention value—interesting, personal
“yes” answer might end message
might insult or talk down
sets up sales presentation
has reader involvement

Are you satisfied with the income your portfolio earned last year?
good attention-getting value—a question
reader-centered (“you”)
“yes” answer could end interest—risky

Dimmitt-Hawes Financial Services has helped its clients make money for over a half century.
bland wording, lacking in attention-gettng value
little reader involvement
communicates credibility

Parts of Sales Presentations
Product or Service: A Paging Service

Span-Comm Messaging is the only paging service that provides service coast to coast.
a matter-of-fact statement—dull
no reader involvement
presents a major sales point

Span-Comm Messaging is the only paging service that gives you the freedom to go coast to coast and still receive text messages.
good reader viewpoint
presents a major sales point
emphasizes a benefit

Span-Comm Messaging give you coast-to-coast service.
presents a major benefit
concise wording
weak reader involvement—but some

Product or Service: A Color Fax Machine

The Statz Color Fax is extraordinary. It produces copies that are indistinguishable from the originals.
 appears to be exaggerated but does follow with supporting explanation
 
matter-of-fact product description
no reader involvement

The extraordinary  Statz Color Fax produces copies identical to the originals.
exaggerated claim but does follow with supporting evidence
scant evidence
no reader involvement

Every image the Statz Color Fax produces is so extraordinary you may not be able to tell a fax from an original.
 presents claim with proof, thus reducing exaggeration effect
good reader involvement

Product or Service: Vermont Smoked Ham

You won’t find a better-tasting ham than the old-fashioned Corncob Smoked Ham we make up here on the farm in Vermont.
good you-involvement
a folksy and believable style
makes its point sincerely and convincingly

Our Corncob Smoked Ham is tender and delicious.
bland and matter of fact
little reader involvement
scant and general—not convincing sales description

You’ll love this smoky-delicious Corncob Smoked Ham.
some reader involvement
offers little support for its claim
general and vague
weak in believability

Product or Service: A Unique Mattress

Control Comfort’s unique air support system lets you control the feel and firmness of your bed simply by pushing a button.
good reader involvement
presents product benefits interestingly
good emphasis on ease of use

The button control adjusts the feel and firmness of Control Comfort’s air support system.
dull, matter-of-fact description
no reader involvement

Just by pushing a button you can get your choice of feel and firmness in Control Comfort’s air support system.
good reader involvement
positive presentation of product benefits
good emphasis on ease of use
a little long and hard to understand
 
Action endings
Product or Service: An Innovative Writing Instrument

To receive your personal Airflo pen, just sign the enclosed card and return it to us.
weak drive for action
no association with benefit received from taking the action

 You can experience the writing satisfaction of this remarkable writing instrument by just filling out and returning the enclosed card.
emphasizes a benefit with the action
weak action words—more a hint or suggestion than a request

Don’t put it off! Now, while it’s on your mind, sign and return the enclosed card.
strong action—perhaps too strong
doesn’t mention a benefit to be had from taking the action

Product or Service: A News Magazine

To begin receiving your copies of Today’s World, simply fill out and return the enclosed card.
 associates benefit with the action
reasonably strong action words
has reader involvement

For your convenience, a subscription card is enclosed. It is your ticket to receiving Today’s World.
only hints at action—weak
does emphasize benefits of taking action
has reader involvement

If you agree that Today’s World is the best of the news magazines, just sign and return the enclosed card.
questionable beginning words—opens door to a refusal
action is requested firmly
emphasizes the main sales point—relates to action
has reader involvement

Postscripts
You can also monogram items you order before November 1.
you-viewpoint benefit tied to action
a matter-of-fact statement

If you order before November 1, you can monogram your items.
also a you-viewpoint benefit tied to the action
but more directly addressed to the reader

Items ordered before November 1 can be monogrammed.
the same message but without second-person emphasis

Find and study the online RFP for Rotary Foundation District Simplified Grants. What are the criteria (both explicit and implied) for a successful proposal? When reviewing a set of proposals that all meet these criteria, what kinds of facts might lead the selection committee to fund certain projects and not others?

The guidelines for these proposals state or imply many criteria, including these:
 

Project has to help others (be “humanitarian”)
If international, project has to be respectful of the other country’s culture
Project needs the support of a district (cannot be proposed by individuals)
Project has to be one that local service organizations cannot provide
Project has to be a good match for the community’s need
Proposal has to include active Rotarians
These partcipants have to have skills relevant to the project
Project has to have the involvement of the host country’s community
Project has to be well planned
Project has to be of the right size/duration (maximum of one year)
Money should be well spent (no wastefulness)
Rotariains cannot receive any of the money for their services
Project has to fund the right kind of aid (some kinds are excluded)
Project needs a good oversight/record-keeping system
Project needs to be well publicized
Project needs to be completely ethical

All other things being equal, the selection committee will probably favor proposals that do the best job of meeting each of these criteria.  For example, the stronger and more relevant the skills of the proposed partcipants, the stronger the proposal.  Likewise for the significance of the community’s need, the strength of the host Rotarians’ support, the carefulness of the plan, the likelihood of the plan’s working, the efficiency/economy of the plan, and so forth.

It’s likely that those who have successfully completed previous VSG projects would have a special competitive edge—particularly if they faithfully had met the post-project reporting requirements and had effectively publicized these earlier projects.  The smart repeat proposer would include these facts.

Pretend you are writing an unsolicited internal proposal requesting funding for traveling t a major professional meeting in your area of expertise. What kinds of information will you need to include? What arguments might your supervisors or management find convincing? What kinds of objections might you need to overcome?

Ideas for writing a persuasive proposal in this case might include the following:

Show that the hosts of/presenters at the meeting are experts in the field.
Show that this is the best resource for what you want to learn.
Show that what you’re likely to learn can be put to ready and profitable use in the company.
Show that there’s no cheaper (i.e. local or online) substitute.
Show that the trip will be a bargain (in terms of knowledge shared with others, likelihood of making lasting improvements in the company, access to additional materials online, etc.).
Show that you’ve found the most economical means to attend (ea. driving instead of flying, not using a rental car).
Show that you have a track record of being frugal with company resources.
Show that you are the best person to go.

The objections that might need to be overcome are implied in the above list.
 
Teaching Notes for Selected Problem-Solving Cases
Persuasive Requests –Problem 1, p. 241

Persuasion involves convincing – getting someone else to see things the way you do or to take an action you want them to take.  The key to success is to know and understand your readers well so that you can think about the subject from their point of view—and then to generate appealing details that will be stronger than the readers’ reasons for not complying.

Accordingly, students need to think first about (1) why school employees might want to bring their kids to work one day and (2) what might keep these employees from doing so. 

Among the possible answer for #1 above:
 Sharing a fun day with your kid
 Increasing your kid’s knowledge of, and pride in, the work you do
 Teaching your kid something valuable
 Enabling your kid to participate in fun activities for the day
 Getting to meet some neat people (ea. the school mascot)
 Introducing your kids to university life
 Sharing some good food at lunch

Among the possible answers for #2 above:
 Too much of a hassle to arrange
 Kid will be bored
 Kid will be distracting
 Kid will be disappointed
 Kid will learn more in his/her own school that day

Putting these two lists together, students should be able to generate appealing material to include in the email message. 

Have them work particularly hard on their attention-getting opening.  It should call to readers’ minds, in a fresh and interesting way, one of the main benefits of this event.  For example, since readers work for an educational institution, an opening based on the event’s educational value could work well.  On the other hand, one could take the approach of treating the event as a nice break from work.  Have students try writing several openings and then discuss some of them as a class.  Students will probably be surprised at how many different good openings are possible. 

As for the rest of the message, emphasize the importance of appealing details (which the original message almost completely lacked).  Some scenario painting could work well in this message.
 
Sales –Problem 11, p. 244

This problem can give students excellent practice turning product features into reader benefits.

The first step is to visit the zoo’s website and thoroughly study all its features.  Here’s a partial list:
 Exotic animals and plants
 A park-like setting
 Self-guided learning tours
 Open every day from 8:00-5:00
 
 Special programs such as behind-the-scenes tours, seminars, exhibits
 Travel excursions
 Venue for special privatee events
 Ecofriendly, nature centered
 Kid-friendly exhibits, stores, and food

Then have students turn these features into benefits that would appeal to the target audience.  They should come up with those like the following:
 Can escape from work, escape from the ordinary
 Can escape the city, get into nature, clear your mind
 Can learn interesting things
 Can relax, go at your own pace
 Can use your member card 365 days a year—a good value
 Can get an insider’s look at the zoo
 Can have an adventure with other adults
 Can rent the zoo to host an exotic, impressive event
 Can support a vanishing species and animal research
 Can entertain and bond with grandkids
 Can be a kid again yourself
 Can find unique, ecofriendly gifts
 
The first paragraph should build on a central selling point, such as the exoticism of the zoo—for example, “Do you remember what a white tiger looks like when it yawns? How about the graceful dive of a king penguin? Or the howl of a bonobo as it swings from branch to branch?” 

In the body of the message, students should continue to evoke the many experiences offered by the zoo by using the wealth of concrete detail at their disposal.  By the time the actual drive for the sale comes, readers should be convinced that the zoo isn’t just for those with young children.
 
The class can work together on generating possible “act now” strategies.  For example, is something about to bloom at the zoo, or is a new animal coming?  Or is a special educational event just around the corner?

Of course, the message should end with a reminder of the benefits –and perhaps include a fetching P.S.

Related Research/Exercises: 
Have students propose ways to incorporate visuals effectively into this persuasive message.  Will the letter itself contain visuals? Will there be supporting pieces that do?  What kinds of visuals should be included to support different types of persuasive appeals?

Have the class watch the Manager’s Hot Seat videos “Ethics: Let’s Make a Fourth Quarter Deal,” “Whistleblowing: Code Red or Red Ink?,” and/or “Negotiation: Thawing the Salary Freeze” and then discuss how one or both parties in these situations might have been more persuasive.

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