Chapter 7: Indirectness in Bad-News Messages
Teaching Suggestions

The teaching techniques for this chapter are the same as for the preceding chapter.

Text Summary, Lecture Outline
Slides 7-1, 7-2
When introducing this chapter, you can ask your students to give examples of times when a business writer might need to give unwelcome news.  Help them see that this is a very common situation—and that the advice in this chapter will be very helpful.

Slide 7-3
When the main message is bad news, you should usually write in the indirect order.

Such messages are likely to be received more positively when an explanation precedes the bad news.

An explanation may even convince the reader that the writer is cleared of fault.

It can also serve to cushion the shock of the bad news.

But you may be justified in using directness in certain cases,

Slide 7-4
as when the negative news will be accepted routinely,

when you think the reader will appreciate frankness,

or when it is in the reader’s best interest to convey the negative news right away.

The General Indirect Plan
Slide 7-5
Begin with a strategic buffer.

Use it to introduce your strategy to overcome the reader’s resistance.

It might be an explanation, a review of justifying facts--whatever you think will work.

You might also acknowledge any preceding messages in your opening.
 
Then develop the strategy—continue what the beginning set up.  Make your case in such a way that the reader will see your point and consider it reasonable—perhaps even in his or her best interest.

Then present the negative.  It should be the logical outcome of the preceding strategy, and it should be worded as positively as the situation permits.

When possible (which is often), offer a compromise or alternative solution.  When you say no or announce negative news, you’ve left your reader with a problem.  Help him/her solve it to the best of your ability.

End on a positive note, shifting the focus to happier things—just as you would do at the end of a face-to-face meeting.

Refused Requests
Slide 7-6
In these situations, someone has asked you for something, and you must refuse—a very common business situation.

Such messages are almost always negative, although they vary in degree of negativity.

Usually in such messages you have two goals:

1.   to refuse, and
2.   to maintain goodwill.

Before you write anything, you should think through the situation and work out a strategy—that is, how you will explain or justify your decision.

Perhaps you must refuse because of company policy. In this case, it is advisable to justify the policy rather than to just say it is company policy to refuse.

Probably you will refuse because the facts of the case justify refusing. When this is the case, you can review the facts and appeal to fair play.

And there can be other reasons. In all cases, study the facts and work out as convincing an explanation as you can.

Slide 7-7
 With your strategy developed, you next put it into message form.

Begin indirectly with words that meet these requirements:

1.  They dearly indicate that you are responding to the request.
2.  They are neutral—that is, they do not imply yes or no.
3.  They set up the strategy you have devised.

For example, if you are responding to a request for permission to use a company’s grounds for a political fundraiser and you must say no, you might begin . . .
 
“We are honored by your request for permission to hold your important event on our grounds.  Our landscapers have worked hard to create a place that adds beauty to the community, and we are happy to host community events whenever possible.”

These words are about the subject of the request, so they obviously indicate an answer to the request.  They do not give away the answer.  And they set up the strategy (that the company can host community events only when they are not affiliated with a particular political or religious cause).

The reasoning set up by the opening follows.

You present your reasoning as convincingly as you can, taking care to avoid unnecessary negative wording and to use the you-viewpoint.

After you have presented your case, you refuse. Take care to use no unnecessary negatives, making this part as positive as the situation permits.

No harsh words such as “I refuse,” “will not,” and “cannot.”

No timeworn apologies such as “I deeply regret” or “I am sorry to say.”

Avoid giving the refusal undue emphasis—by position, space, or wording.

A compromise can often be used to soften the refusal and build goodwill. When this is possible, take advantage of it.

For example: “The best we can do…”; “Have you considered . . .”; “you might want to . . .”; “May I suggest that you . . .”; or other ways that direct your reader toward at least a partial solution to his/her problem.

Good closing talk is something pleasant that does not dwell on the refusal.

What you choose to use will depend on the facts of the case.

But select something that fits the situation—something you might say if you were face to face with the reader.

Avoid the timeworn negative apologies:  “I sincerely regret that we have had to refuse . . . .” Equally bad are the timeworn appeals to understanding: “I sincerely hope that you understand why we must make this decision.”

Slides 7-8, 7-9
Use the sample message on these slides to show how the preceding guidelines have been applied in this situation.

You might acknowledge that the writer of this message had a fairly easy task, because he/she is still giving the requester access to the information he/she wants.  But what if company policy does not permit the accessing of personnel files by outsiders?  Then it becomes harder to offer an alternative solution.  But it can be done!  Take some time to let your class take on this challenge.  They might surprise you, and themselves, with their resourcefulness.
 
Claims
Slide 7-10
When something goes wrong in business relations, one party may attempt to correct the matter by making a claim against the other.

The claim may be made in person, by telephone, or by written message.  As the text says, it may also be direct or indirect, depending on the situation.  And even when it is indirect, it states the problem early in the message.

When you are making a routine claim—such as informing a mail-order company that they sent the wrong number of ink cartridges—you do not have to do much strategizing.  This is one of those mistakes that sometimes happens, and the company will probably be happy to correct it once you bring it to their attention.  A quick phone call often takes care of such situations.

But in cases where the solution is not so clear cut, you will need to be more strategic and persuasive. You will also need to take care to control your tone so as not to undermine your request.

Slide 7-11
State early in the message that there is a problem—but word this statement as neutrally as possible.
When appropriate, reference the invoice number, order number, or date of transaction.

One possible way to do so is in a subject line like this one:
“Subject: Breakage of glassware shipped under invoice No. L1308”

Your opening paragraph can then add further specifics.

In the body of the message, present your case as persuasively but unemotionally as you can.
Explain clearly what went wrong.

Present the evidence. You may want to interpret the error in terms of its effect:
“The Fanuc robot that we purchased last January 17 has broken down, resulting in the stoppage of one of our assembly lines.”

Be tactful, don’t assume or imply distrust, and resist the temptation to display anger.

After making the claim, move to the adjustment request. Either say what action you want or let the reader choose the appropriate action.

End with words that state or imply your desire to continue relations with the reader. For example,
“We would appreciate your immediate replacement of this unit so that we can resume production.”
 (Avoid such rubber stamps as “Thanking you in advance . . . .”)

Slide 7-12
Use this example of a claim to reinforce these concepts.
 
Adjustment Refusals
Slide 7-13
Messages that refuse claims carry bad news.

Like other bad-news messages, they are usually handled with indirectness.

Probably, the reader believes he or she is right and that you are wrong, although some know their claims are weak.

A good beginning step in working on the letter is to decide how to explain your decision.

Your decision should be based on the facts of the case; after all, you have good reasons on your side. (If you do not, then you have a very difficult message to write indeed—and should reconsider the refusal, if possible.)

So you review the facts, and you determine the explanation that will be most likely to convince the reader that right is on your side.

Slide 7-14
As in other refusals, the opening should (1) be on subject, (2) be neutral, and (3) set up the explanation.

Because you are answering a message (the claim), you should refer to this message,
either incidentally (“As described in your April 7 letter”)

or in a subject line (“Subject: Your August 2 letter about Order 3188”).

The subject matter of the opening can be almost anything that sets up a review of the facts of the case.

It could be a point on which you and the reader can agree:

“You are correct in believing that a two-ton Deep Kold window unit should cool the ordinary three-room apartment.”

The sentence makes contact on a common point and sets up the reasoning (the apartment in question is not an ordinary three-room apartment).

It could be a statement showing concern for the reader’s well being.

“Assisting young couples to enjoy beautifully decorated homes at budget prices is one of our most satisfying goals. We do all we reasonably can to reach it.”

From this opening sentence the writer will shift smoothly to proving that making the adjustment goes beyond what can reasonably be expected.

The explanation that was set up by the opening logically follows.

This explanation should be convincing. This means that it should be believable, and to be believable, it should be based on fact. It should show clearly that right is on your side.
 
Use your best writing skills in presenting your reasoning. This means avoiding unnecessary negatives and emphasizing the positive. It also means writing nothing that questions the reader’s honesty or intelligence—nothing insulting. (“If you had read the contract you would have known that…”)

Your explanation should lead to and set up the refusal. So after explaining, refuse.

Refuse positively—yet clearly.

To make sure it is positive, study the effects of your words. Avoid unnecessary negatives. If the situation justifies it, consider a compromise.

To make sure it is clear, use words that leave no doubt.

Example:
“For these reasons, you will understand why we can pay only when our employees pack the goods.”
or
“Although the contract clearly ended our responsibility on May 1, we will do whatever we can to help repair the equipment.”
or
“In view of these facts, the best we can do is repair the equipment at cost.”

End with a pleasant comment. Avoid referring unnecessarily to the refusal. Even well-intended apologies are negative here.

A good general topic is some more agreeable aspect of customer relations—new products, services, uses of the product, industry news, and the like.

Almost any friendly comment that appears logical in the one case will do.

Slide 7-15
Use this sample message (in response to a request for a refund) to show how to apply the preceding guidelines.  Note particularly the skillful wording of the refusal itself—not “. . . we cannot grant you a refund on your paneling” but “. . . we must consider the sale final.”

Negative Announcements
Slide 7-16
Sometimes businesses have to announce bad news to their customers and employees—for example, a price increase, a reduction in employee benefits, the closing of a store.

As with the negative messages previously discussed, the writer begins by searching for a strategy.

Slide 7-17
Usually the message follows the indirect order (buffer beginning).
The reason: usually the bad news will be upsetting. Thus an explanation or justification should precede the bad news.
 
In these instances, the writer begins by thinking “What can be said that will cushion the shock of the bad news?”

This buffer beginning sets up the negative news that follows.

The negative news should be presented as positively as the situation justifies. But it must be crystal clear. As in the other negative messages, the words must be carefully chosen.

Take care to cover all the necessary details. Anticipate the readers’ questions and answer them.   If the bad news creates problems, try to help solve them.

End on a note that affirms the good relationship between you and your readers and perhaps looks ahead to something positive.

Slide 7-18
Here’s a simple example that illustrates the recommended strategy.

Slides 7-19, 7-20
Here is a more complex message (an announcement about clamping down on travel funding) that applies the preceding guidelines.

You might first have students read the message and then state its contents in a direct, blunt way. Then look at the strategies the sample message uses and ask students if they agree that this way would be better.  Most will agree, of course—though some will insist that directness in such internal messages is more straightforward and honest.  You can point out that the culture of the organization may well make employees expect and prefer such directness.  But usually, especially when the bad news is not expected, people prefer the more indirect approach.  Students will need to use their judgment in such cases—as they will need to do in every business-communication case.

Slide 7-21
Directness may be appropriate in some cases—for example, if the news is expected, if the news is only mildly negative, or if it is already known through leaks of information.

Even so, exercise care in word selection. Present the information positively and clearly.

A possible follow-up exercise for Negative Announcements: Have the class watch the Managers Hot Seat video “Change: More Pain than Gain?” and discuss/assess the manager’s effectiveness when dealing with the negative fall-out from an acquisition.

Slide 7-22
The point of this quote, of course, is that one should never write business messages in anger.  When tackling a negative situation, writers need to let their initial feelings settle.
 
In addition to letting anger pass, this can also mean letting any initial negativity about the situation pass.  The best bad-news messages are those written out of confidence and a positive approach (with the glass being viewed as half full rather than half empty).  Perhaps the best advice of all is to get oneself in the right frame of mind before writing such a message—even if that means purging the bad mood first with a message that one would never send!

Answers for Critical Thinking Questions

Give examples of times (or situations) when directness is appropriate for responses giving negative (bad news) information.

Directness can be appropriate when the message is likely to be considered routine or when the writer feels the reader prefers a direct response, regardless of the message. The students’ examples should be evaluated on their merit.

Writing in the indirect order usually requires more words than does writing in the direct order. Since conciseness is a virtue in writing, how can the indirect order be justified?

Conciseness means using the minimum of words consistent with achieving the goal. In situations requiring the indirect order, the goal involves more than just giving the negative message. It also concerns keeping the reader happy. To illustrate, one could answer a request with one word—”no.” But if the reader’s feelings are of concern to the writer, additional words would be needed to explain or justify the answer.

What strategy is best in a message refusing a request when the reasons for the refusal are strictly in the writer’s best interest?

This is a thought question and may have no one best answer. One logical response is to present the explanation forthrightly, perhaps suggesting that “this is what you would do if you were in my shoes.”

“Apologies in refusals are negative in that they call attention to what you are refusing. Thus, you should avoid using them.” Discuss.

This also is a thought question and should produce various viewpoints. Apologies do call attention to the negative events they pertain to. But they are expressions of courtesy, and their effects may be quite positive. Perhaps a good rule to follow is to make them when they truly are needed and expected—that is, when something has been done for which an apology is due.

Explain how a claim message can be both direct and indirect.

As the text says, even claim messages written in the indirect order have an element of directness: they state early on that a problem has occurred.  But the actual request should usually be delayed until all the facts of the case have been presented.

“If I’m not emotional in my claim messages, the readers won’t understand how upset I am.” Respond to this statement.

Strategically placed and worded, some emotion in claim messages can be appropriate. But too much emotion or the wrong type (such as indignation) will just put the reader on the defensive.  A good concept to introduce here might be that of enabling the reader to “save face.” If a writer’s emotional language implies that the reader is dishonest, stupid, irresponsible, or the like, then the reader will resist agreeing with the claim because that will also mean agreeing with these negative implications.  It is better to imply a more positive image of the reader with which he/she will want to identify and thereby save face.
 

Some business writers explain an adjustment refusal simply by saying that company policy did not permit granting claims in such cases. Is this explanation adequate? Discuss.

This argument is weak. Hiding behind company policy may clear the writer of blame, but it does not clear the company. The goodwill goal of the message requires that the company also be represented positively. Also, any good policy can be explained and justified; and this is what should be done in the message. Just saying “this is the way we do it” is not likely to get a desirable response.

Negative announcements usually need to include much more than the announcement. Explain.

The announcement needs to be explained and justified. Also, the announcement may raise questions or create problems for the readers. In the interest of goodwill and good you-viewpont, these need to be anticipated and addressed.

Give examples of negative announcements that would be appropriately written in the direct order.

These examples should be judged on their own merit. One example is news that has already been leaked to the employees or the news media. Another is an announcement of a price increase that the customers know is long overdue.

Answers to the Critical Thinking Exercises

For all three exercises, the main problem is the same: the message is selfish and insulting, completely lacking in any evidence of the you-viewpoint.  You can invite students to go through each message line by line, pointing out poor wording decisions.  Then have them assess the content overall to generate ideas for additional or different content that would be likely to get a better response and to serve the writer’s goals better.

Teaching Notes for Selected Problem-Solving Cases
Refused Requests –Case 2, pp. 184-184

The purpose of the message is to turn down the boss’s request while maintaining his positive feelings toward you as a dedicated employee.

After some thought (or even an effort to write a refusal in the direct order), students will probably agree that a slower, more indirect approach is better.  It will “let the boss down easy” and forestall an immediate negative reaction.

The first paragraph might begin by thanking Mr. Smith for sending this opportunity your way.  Here you can say that you are gratified that he selected you to lead this important initative.  You might reference other services you have performed for the company as evidence that you enjoy doing such work. Or you might indicate your support of Habitat for Humanity, thereby subtly complimenting the boss on his choice of organization. Whatever the beginning, the refusal should not be revealed in the first paragraph.
 
Readers will continue reading the letter because they have not yet heard what they “came for.”  This is the window of opportunity to present the reasons for the refusal before stating that the request is denied.  (Once readers know the negative decision, they may stop reading.  Any justification that follows the refusal, as good as it might be, may never be read.)

So now shift to the reasons for the upcoming refusal.  You might start with “As you may know,” and then explain the change in your family situation.  (Students should try to avoid such transitions as “however” or “unfortunately”; these are clear indications that something “bad” is coming.) When presenting the reasons, select the facts carefully.  You don’t want to paint too unpleasant a picture—which would make you sound whining (after all, lots of people cope with having careers and a new baby.).  But you do want to convey that, temporarily, child care is taking all your discretionary time and then some.  An especially good strategy to use, if you can pull it off, is to link your upcoming refusal to your dedication to your work.  Discuss some important tasks (that is, ones your boss will think are important) that you are currently working on and make clear that you want to continue to bring your best work to these tasks while also taking care of your home responsibilities.

By now, Mr. Smith has probably already gotten the message.  In fact, it may not be necessary to state the refusal explicitly.  If you open the next paragraph with what you can do—assist the project’s director in any way you can, perform some lesser role in the project, assume the lead role at a later date, or whatever compromise you want to offer—you will have clearly implied that you are saying “no” for now.

The closing paragraph should end on a positive note that is forward looking—perhaps expressing excitement about the project and its anticipated benefits for all concerned.  This ending should not refer to the refusal again or apologize.
 
Related discussion or assignments:  Have students bring in or recall various denials that they have received for jobs, schools, credit cards, etc. and discuss what they liked or did not like about them.  Have students recall and discuss times when they have felt insulted or upset in a business dealing.  Share some of your own experiences with them.

As a class, watch the Manager’s Hot Seat video “Let’s Make a Fourth Quarter Deal.” Ask your students to assess the techniques the manager uses when refusing Gina’s request. Then ask why these techniques (which are usually effective) did not work that well in this situation. Ask students if they think there were better ways to handle this unreasonable request (and person).

Claims –Case 11, p. 187

The main trap to avoid here is using language that is too dramatic and indignant.  For example, you should definitely not go the “disgruntled taxpayer” route, which no public official likes.

Instead, as the chapter recommends, tell your story with an emphasis on the facts—though give enough of them so the reader can visualize the problems caused by the messy shelter.

The message should identify early on that there has been a problem.  Students can generate several options for achieving this goal effectively.  For example, if the message is an email, the subject line might read “Unsanitary Condition of Oak Pavilion on Sunday, May 3.”  If the message is a letter, the opening can give the key facts: when you reserved the site, for how much money, for what event, and for what date; what you found when you got there; and (briefly) what problem(s) this caused.  (This opening is appropriate for an email message, too.)
 
In the body of the message, give additional details (students will need to create some of the specifics).  Avoid exaggerations and off-putting language, but paint a clear picture (for example, say “trash and food scraps littered the floor” instead of “the rotting trash was disgusting”).  You might want to convey in some way that you had reasonable expectations (since everyone should know that a public picnic area will not be pristine) but that the conditions your family encountered exceeded the usual inconveniences.

With a transition like “In light of the poor condition of the shelter,” make your adjustment request.  Asking for a partial refund would probably be reasonable.  Close with a positive comment (for example, refer to the ordinarily pleasant condition of the park or to the fact that it is one of your family’s favorites) and look ahead to enjoying the park again.

Adjustment Refusals –Case 18, p. 189

Like most messages that refuse to make a requested adjustment, this one needs both to say “no” and to somehow re-sell the reader on the value of the company’s products or services.  More specifically, the purpose of the message is to courteously but clearly refuse Ms. Paulding’s request for a refund while also maintaining her goodwill. 

Students should anticipate that the reader’s reaction will be, at the very least, disappointment and perhaps even anger.  They should thus use the indirect approach by beginning the message with a buffer, fully explaining and justifying the reasons for the decision, presenting the bad news as positively as possible, offering an alternative solution, and ending on a positive note.

The first paragraph should begin with a buffer that gets the conversation started.  This may include an acknowledgement of the request, appreciation for Ms. Paulding’s business, or a statement about the company’s willingness to be of assistance.  It should not, however, mislead the reader into thinking the request will be granted and should not reveal yet that the adjustment request is being denied. You might be able to end the first paragraph with a statement that sets up the explanation, such as the one in the Case Illustration for an adjustment refusal letter on page 176:  “As always, we are willing to do as much as we reasonable can to make things right.”  The explanation that will follow should then justify why what was requested is not “reasonable.”

In this case Ms. Paulding is not entitled to a refund because, in violation of your stated return policy for defective items, she waited too long to make her claim.   You can use two good strategies when telling her so.  First, state the policy using impersonal language, not “you” and “your.”  For example, instead of saying “As your packing slip stated,” say “We include a description of our return policy with each product we ship.”  Then you can say exactly what the policy statement said.  Second, try to give a good reason for the policy. Perhaps it can start with “This policy has become standard in our industry because . . .,” or perhaps it can be linked to keeping the prices of your fine products as low as possible for your customers.

Instead of overtly stating the refusal, it is now possible to imply it clearly by moving on to what you can do for Ms. Paulding.  Listing some authorized repair shops in her area would be helpful.  Assuring her that their work is guaranteed can also be a positive touch.  Perhaps students can think of additional ways to help this customer.   They must offer to return the blender to Ms. Paulding—but they must also ask her permission to charge the return shipping (a specific amount should be named) to her credit card account.  They should make it as easy as possible for Ms. Paulding to tell them what she wants them to do.

The closing paragraph should end on a positive note that is forward looking and acts as if the relationship between the two parties is still intact.  It should not refer to the refusal again.  If skillfully done, it may convey the message that the company’s products are of high quality, thus restoring Ms. Paulding’s confidence in this fact.  Or it might thank Ms. Paulding for her business.  Or students may think of, and evaluate, other closing strategies.

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