Chapter 6: Directness in Good News and Neutral Messages
Teaching Suggestions

This chapter introduces students to one of the standard organizational approaches in business writing: the direct organizational pattern. Because this pattern is used most frequently in situations in which the reader will react positively or neutrally, Chapter 6 discusses the direct pattern in this rhetorical context. But many of the following suggestions for teaching Chapter 6 will also apply to teaching students to write the other types of messages discussed in Chapters 7–9 (e.g. negative-news messages, persuasive messages, employment documents).
Lecture-Discussion
You can begin with a brief lecture that presents an overview of the direct approach and the contexts in which it is appropriate or not appropriate. Students may be asked to assess either in an online or face-to-face discussion their own communication style. Are they direct communicators? Indirect communicators? Although you will discuss the indirect approach more thoroughly in Chapter 7, you may also ask students to reflect on a time when they received a message directly that should have been communicated indirectly or vice versa.

Lecture notes for Chapter 6 to accompany the Chapter 6 PowerPoint presentation appear below. Instructors should emphasize that the text suggestions are not formulas; students must use the skills they learned in Chapter 5 to understand their writing goals and audiences and adjust their messages accordingly. Emphasis should be given to developing logical approaches to problem solving so that students see their communication goals as tied to their business goals.
Illustration
After presenting the lecture, you may want to refer to the good and bad message examples in the Chapter 6 PowerPoint and have students analyze and articulate what happened in the writing that makes the good message better than the bad message (e.g., the main point is at the beginning, the writing  is more complete and the language more precise).  You may also want to create good/bad examples from the problem solving cases at the end of the text as additional discussion and illustration opportunities.
Criticism of Student Messages
Students should write a direct message as an assignment for this chapter. After writing a draft, students can bring their work to class for peer editing. As a guide for peer editing, you may want to develop a form based on your grading rubric for the assignment. Students should be reminded that a peer editor is not a “fixer” or copy editor. The peer editor is simply to react to the format, content, and correctness. The writer is ultimately responsible for the content. If the writer disagrees with the peer editor, the writer is not obligated to make the editor’s changes.

Before beginning the one-on-one editing, you may want to discuss a few drafts as a class, identifying strategies that have better promise than others. After assignments are returned, you can show examples of individual sentence or entire messages that were done well or that could still use work.
 
Writing Contests
Another option to motivate students to produce good messages is to hold writing contests. The judges are the students. They read the messages, grade them, and determine the winners. A prize may be bonus points.

Specifically, this plan works as follows. We divide the class into groups of five or six students. Each group grades the messages of another group—making detailed comments on papers in the process. Each grading group selects the best message in the group being graded. We give bonus points to the writer of these messages. The grades given on all messages are the grades we record, but we permit anyone who is not satisfied with his or her grade to submit the message to us for reevaluation. Usually no more than 10 percent do so.

We like this plan because it gives the students a view of the other side of the fence. They learn to appreciate the problems in grading. Also, we think grading is a very productive learning experience.
Recognition of Good Work
Another effective means of increasing student interest is simply to recognize good work. If you have a class website or use a class management tool such as Blackboard, WebCT, or Desire2Learn, you can post the best messages as examples for current students. Equally good results come from showing the best papers on a screen if students agree to have their work shown.
Text Summary, Lecture Outline
The General Direct Plan
Slides 6-1, 6-2, 6-3
Directness is appropriate in most messages such as routine inquiries favorable responses, adjustment grants, order acknowledgments, and operational messages.

Begin preparing for a message by assessing the reader’s probable reaction.

If the likely reaction is positive or neutral, directness is in order.

If the likely reaction negative, indirectness is in order.
Routine Inquiries
Slide 6-4
 
Routine inquiries are those where the writer expects a positive response from the reader. Begin with the objective. In doing so, you may ask a question or give an answer to a question the reader has previously asked you. These beginnings save time for writer and reader. After you have done that, you can present any necessary explanation, ask additional questions, or give additional answers. To close, end with a goodwill message that is relevant to the reader. Many students may have difficulty with this. One of the most common errors we see is the ambiguous thank you. It is not wrong to end with “thank you,” but the thank you should be specific to the topic. Many students will, as an example, write a favorable response that answers a reader’s many questions. After answering all of the questions, the writer will type “thank you.” “Thank you” for what? Encourage students to finish the thought: “Thank you for your interest in ACME products.”

Opening

Begin directly.

Use either a specific question that sets up the entire message (“Is your Karatan line of leather goods sold on an exclusive dealership basis?”) or a general request for information (“Will you please answer the following questions about your dealership policy for your Karatan line of leather goods?”)
 
Note how both of the openings above are faster and more interesting than indirect openings such as this one:

“I saw your Karatan products advertised in this month’s Marketer Guide and am considering stocking the line. But first I need to know the answers to the following questions:”

Content

Usually there is some need to identify or explain the situation. Such information helps the reader in answering. Most often this information fits best after the opening. When a number of questions must be asked, sometimes explanations are needed within the questions. The point is to tell the reader whatever is needed to enable her or him to answer.

Place all explanations where they fit best.

Cover the question or questions.

If your inquiry involves asking a single question, the message is short—a direct opening followed by any necessary explanation and a friendly closing comment.

Sometimes a number of questions need to be asked.

In such cases, make each question stand out.  Do this by
1. making each question a separate sentence,
2. organizing a paragraph around each question (especially if some questions require explanations),
3. ordering (1, 2, 3, etc.) the questions, and
4. wording each as a question rather than as a hint for information (“Please send me ....” rather than “I would appreciate your sending me ....”).

Generally avoid questions that can be answered with a simple “yes” or “no.”
 
“Do long periods of freezing temperatures damage Gardex?” vs. “What are the effects of long periods of freezing temperature on Gardex?”
 
Close

End with a goodwill comment, preferably use words that fit the one case:
“As we must decide about using Natvac by next Monday, please have your answers to us by that date.”
rather than “Thank you in advance for your help.”
Slide 6-5, 6-6
These slides present bad and good versions of the same message. Notes are provided on the PowerPoint slides for discussion. You may want to divide students into small groups to analyze what makes the bad message bad and the good message good and then have the groups articulate their analysis to the rest of the class.
Favorable Responses
Slide 6-7
Favorable responses are those that give the reader what he/she has requested. Because they are messages that answer inquiries favorably and convey good news and because they do what the respondent has asked you to do, the direct order is appropriate. The indirect order would get the job done, but it would be slower, and it would waste time.

Opening

Directness here means beginning by giving the reader what is wanted—which is the information requested.

So a good beginning is the one that starts answering.

If the inquiry concerned one question, it is the answer to that question
“Yes, Chem-Treat will prevent mildew if used according to instructions.”

If it concerns a number of questions, the opening is the answer to one of them, preferably the most important. An alternate possibility is to begin with a statement that you are giving the reader what is wanted. Although this beginning really is not direct, it is positive. Also, it avoids the abruptness that directness sometimes conveys: “The following information should tell you what you need to know about Chem-Treat.”
or “Here are the answers to your questions about Chem-Treat.”

Somewhere at the beginning, identify the correspondence you are answering.

One good way is to use a subject line of a message or in the subject identification of an email message: “Subject: Your April 3 inquiry about Chem-Treat”

Another is to refer to it incidentally in the opening: “. . . as requested in your April 3 inquiry. . .”
 
Content

If you are answering just one question, you have little else to do. You may include any explanation or other information you think is needed. Then you close the message. If you must answer two or more questions, you answer them in succession. Work for a logical order, perhaps using the order used in the reader’s inquiry. You may choose to number the questions, or to distinguish them by bullets.

If some negative information must be given with the good, handle it carefully. You may choose to deemphasize it—placing it in a position of little emphasis or giving it less space. Be sure to avoid language that is unnecessarily negative (e.g., unfortunately, disappointed)

For the best in goodwill effect, you may consider including the “extras”—something nice that is not required (additional information, comment, or question).

Close
 
End with friendly, cordial words that show your willingness to serve. Make these words fit the one situation:

“If I can help you further in deciding whether Chem-Treat will meet your needs, please write me again.”
Slides 6-8, 6-9, 6-10
These slides present bad and good versions of the same message. Notes are provided on the PowerPoint slides for discussion. You may want to divide students into small groups to analyze what makes the bad message bad and the good message good and then have the groups articulate their analysis to the rest of the class.
Adjustment Grants
Slide 6-11
Adjustment grants are written when you grant a request for an adjustment based on a claim the someone has made regarding a product or service (e.g., a request for a refund, a request for a product replacement). Because you are doing what the reader wants done and are correcting an error or problem, the situation is positive; therefore, directness is appropriate. Because claims themselves require communicating negative news, claim messages are discussed in Chapter 7.

Even though the situation is primarily positive, it is not all good news. The problem that led to the claim you are granting is in the reader’s mind. Something bad has happened.

Granting the adjustment may not eliminate all the negative feelings the reader may have toward you and your company, but questions about the service or products of your company may remain. You may need to regain any confidence lost if the adjustment grant is to be completely successful.

Opening

The opening words logically present the good news—granting of the adjustment. You will also need to identify the correspondence you are answering in a subject line or in an incidental reference in the opening.
 

In the opening and throughout the message, you will need to avoid words that recall unnecessarily the negative thing that happened. Words such as mistake, trouble, damage, broken, and loss are especially damaging.

Equally negative are general references such as problem, difficulty, and misunderstanding.
 
Content

Except in cases in which the cause of the problem is routine or incidental, you will need to work to regain lost confidence. Just what you should or can do will depend on the case. Determining your goals, analyzing your audience, and all of the other steps in planning your document that we discussed in Chapter 5 are particularly important here. Perhaps you can explain how a product should be used to avoid the breakdown that occurred. Maybe you have taken steps to ensure that your personnel will not repeat an error. Or you may explain how what happened was a rare occurrence.

Then if you have a reasonable explanation, present it—clearly and positively.

Close

End the message on a positive note—a comment that fits the one situation and does not recall what went wrong. Move forward in the conclusion; do not dwell on the reason for the adjustment.
Slides 6-12, 6-13
These slides present bad and good versions of the same message. Notes are provided on the PowerPoint slides for discussion. You may want to divide students into small groups to analyze what makes the bad message bad and the good message good and then have the groups articulate their analysis to the rest of the class.
Order Acknowledgements
Slide 6-14
Acknowledgements are sent to people who order goods principally to report the status of the order. They simply tell when the goods are being shipped. Many companies use form messages for this; some use printed notes. But individually written messages can be used, especially for important orders or to welcome a new customer.

Opening

As this is a routine, good news message, it is appropriate to begin it directly—getting to the point right away.

“Your April 4 order for Protect-O paints and supplies will be shipped Monday by Blue Darter Motor Freight.”
 
Content

The individually written acknowledgement message frequently includes various goodwill information (e.g., reselling, appreciation for the order). Sometimes not all the items ordered can be sent. Some may be out of stock and must be back-ordered. Sometimes the information in the order needs to be cleared before shipment can be made. In such cases, shipment must be delayed—a negative happening. This information also must be handled in the message. If the delay will be taken as routine, it can be reported directly. If it will be bad news to the reader, you should handle the situation with a minimum of negative wording and implication.

For example, if the reader failed to give complete information in the order, say: “So that you can have the right color of leather on your master chair, will you please check your choice on the enclosed color chart?”

For an item that must be placed on back-order, say: “We will rush the Shannon master chair to you just as soon as our stock is replenished by a shipment due May 4.”

Close

End with a friendly, forward look. Comments about enjoyable (or profitable) use of the product or a wish for continued opportunities to serve.
Slide 6-15, 6-16
These slides present bad and good versions of the same message. Notes are provided on the PowerPoint slides for discussion. You may want to divide students into small groups to analyze what makes the bad message bad and the good message good and then have the groups articulate their analysis to the rest of the class.
Other Thank-You Messages
Slide 6-17
Thank you messages are written for many occasions as a way to practice good etiquette, build goodwill, and present a positive professional image of the writer and the writer’s company.

Opening
The opening should be direct and include an expression of thanks.

Content
The content should be personal and speak directly to the reason for the thank you note.

Close
The writer need not thank the reader again given that thank-you messages are very short and the writer will have said “thank you” only a few sentences earlier. However, the closing should be relevant to the topic of the message. This might be a statement regarding future business between the reader and writer or wishes for success for the reader and his or her company.
 
Slide 6-18
These slides present an example of a well-written thank-you note. Notes are provided on the PowerPoint slides for discussion.
Operational Communications
Slide 6-19
These are the internal communications necessary in conducting the company’s business—those needed to get the work done.

They range widely in formality—from the brief, informal exchanges between employees to formal documents. The informal messages do not require our study.  They are simple, direct, frank exchanges of information between workers. The more formal ones resemble the messages we have reviewed in this chapter.  A few resemble those message types we will take up in the next chapter.
 
The suggestions for writing these messages are much the same as for those types previously discussed. The need for clarity, correctness, and courtesy should guide these efforts.
Answers for the Critical Thinking Questions

1. When is the direct order appropriate in inquiries?  When would you use the indirect order?  Give examples.

Directness is appropriate when the reader is likely to receive the message positively or neutrally.  Indirectness is appropriate when the message is likely to be received negatively.  As will be noted in Chapter 7, however, some exceptions occur (for example, when a negative inquiry will be accepted routinely or when one feels the reader will appreciate directness).  The examples the students give will have to be judged on merit.

2. “Explanation in inquiries merely adds length and should be eliminated.” Discuss.

Explanations often help the reader to answer the inquiry.

3. Discuss why just reporting truthfully may not be enough in handling negative information in messages answering inquiries.

A true but negative statement presented without concern for its effect may get more emphasis than it deserves. Negative information stands out. The effect would be to give a wrong impression. For example, to report that “John Smith once spent a night in jail” might overshadow all else that is reported about him. If John Smith is basically a good person, it might be necessary to de-emphasize this negative point by positioning and wording it carefully.

4. Defend a policy of doing more than asked in answering routine inquiries. Can the policy be carried too far?

Doing the “extras” is really just being friendly. It is behaving as most of us like to behave in our personal relationships. The result can pay off in goodwill benefits. After all, treating people the way they like to be treated creates goodwill. In business, goodwill is worth money. Yes, the policy can be overdone.

5. What can acknowledgement messages do to build goodwill?

One can build goodwill by writing friendly, considerate, and helpful acknowledgement messages. In such messages one can use warm and personal language and can do the “extras” that make customers like the company. One can express appreciation for the order, welcome a new customer, and include resale material in the message (to enhance the customer’s opinion of the company’s products).

6. Discuss situations where each of the following forms of an order acknowledgement would be preferred: form message, merged message, and a special message.

A form message would be preferred when the order is a standard one, fitting all factors covered in the message. A merged message would be preferred when more than one factor varies, such as shipping method, price, or payment. The special message would be preferred for unusual circumstances that need explanation, such as substituting merchandise, changing shipping dates, or other complications.

7. Discuss how problems (vague orders, back orders) should be handled in messages acknowledging orders.

Vague and back orders can be handled directly when the information is likely to be accepted as routine. When it is likely that the customer will be upset by the news, tact should be used. When tact is required, the negative news usually is subordinated by position and by words. That is, it is not placed in a position of emphasis; and the words used are carefully selected so that they do not emphasize the negative aspects of the situation.

8. Why is it usually advisable to do more than just grant the claim in an adjustment-grant message?

One who makes a claim may have reason to question the quality of the good or service involved. Unless his or her confidence in the good or service is restored, future business may be lost. Thus, often it is advisable to try to explain what happened or to do whatever is needed to regain the lost confidence.

9. Discuss the use of directness in operational communication.  Why is it desirable?  Can it be overdone?  When might indirectness be appropriate?

Most of these messages concern the company’s work.  The participants know that their messages will be interpreted impersonally.  Thus, they can engage in straightforward but courteous communication.  It can be overdone if one becomes too frank—that is, if courtesy is not apparent.  Indirectness is in order when the reader’s reaction to the message is likely to be negative.
 
Answers to the Critical Thinking Exercises

1. Pointing out the shortcomings in the email response to Mr. Braden.
a. The opening is indirect. It is slow—a full paragraph of obvious and unnecessary explanation. The organization throughout is bad. The answers to most of the questions are scattered throughout the message. More specifically, the information concerning the professor’s performance appears in paragraphs 2, 3, and 4, the information on format of the instruction is in paragraphs 3 and 4, the answer to the question on employee evaluation appears in paragraphs 2 and 3, and the response to the question about adaptation is in paragraphs 3 and 4. Only the question about homework is answered in one place (paragraph 2).
b. Unnecessary shift from “we” to “I”
c. “Please be informed…” These words from the old business language are unnecessarily harsh and overly formal.
d. The close is not the friendly, goodwill comment it should be.

2. Pointing out shortcomings in the message to Ms. Orsag
a. The opening is indirect and slow. The good news is delayed a full paragraph.
b. “…received in damaged condition…” —negative
c. “…in which you claim…” —questions reader’s honesty, negative
d. “…cannot understand…” —talks down, negative
e. “…damage…” (two occurrences)—negative
f. “Even so, we stand…” —finally grants the adjustment, but does so grudgingly.
g. “However, we must…” —unnecessarily firm and appears to question reader’s honesty.
h. “After your claim of damage has been verified,…” —unnecessarily negative, questions reader’s honesty.
i. “We regret any inconvenience…” —well intended, but places too much emphasis on what went wrong.
j. “and assure you that…” —an attempt to explain, but scant and not convincing; not a suitable topic for the close—not the friendly talk needed

3. Criticizing the message to Mr. Meeks
a. “This is in response to…” —a slow, indirect opening, obvious
b. “I am very much interested…” —obvious
c. “…I need some preliminary information.”—hints that information is needed but doesn’t ask
d. “Most important is…” —Names the information wanted but is not in question form
e. “I am wondering…” —another hint for information needed, not in question form, and too much in one sentence
f. “I would also like…” —also a hint for information needed; too much in one sentence
g. “I need to know…” —Another hint for information; and too many items of information wanted in a sentence
h. “Hoping that you can get…” —an old-style rubberstamp close
 
4. Criticism of the message to Prof. Smith
a. Subject line is vague—doesn’t identify transaction or indicate problem
b. Slow opening—indirect
c. Overly negative and harsh explanation, especially “. . . you tried to push off some old stock on me”
d. Even so, explanation is thorough
e. Ending is unnecessarily harsh
f. But does make clear what is wanted.

5. This message is frank but somewhat negative.  Its language is unnecessarily harsh—substandard, mandatory training.  Probably not everyone in housekeeping is at fault, but the message suggests that everyone’s work is below standard.
 
Sample Solutions for the Problem-Solving Cases
Routine Inquiries—Case 3, p. 148-149   

Before working on this problem, the students should view the website for the Ritz-Carlton in Atlanta. The problem write-up brings out the major questions that need to be answered, but students will be able to ask more targeted questions if they first view the site.

One good plan for writing this problem is to begin with a general request for information. This request is logically followed by the questions the writer needs to have answered.

Many of the specific questions will come from the problem itself; students may develop more after viewing the Ritz-Carlton’s site. Special care should be taken to make each question stand out, perhaps by numbering or separate paragraphing. Special care should also be taken to order the questions logically, as students may have a tendency to brainstorm a list of questions and then present them with no thought to grouping them by topic (e.g., technology requirements, meeting facilities, guest rooms and amenities, dates and times). An appropriate ending question could be about a descriptive brochure, if one is available.

The closing should contain a deadline for the information but be worded politely and not be demanding. The closing may also contain a word of thanks or other statement of appreciation.

Example:
Could you please answer the following questions regarding conference facilities available at the Ritz-Carlton, Atlanta? We are hoping the facilities will accommodate a focus group that McGill Medical Publishing is hosting August 2–4 for 22 teaching physicians from the United States, Canada, and Europe.

Specifically, we would like to know the following:
(Questions are listed here. Be sure to check that the student’s list is complete and ordered appropriately)

Your response by April 30 will enable us to select our meeting site quickly and continue our planning for the focus group.
Favorable Responses—Case 14, p. 152

As with most favorable responses, this is a fairly easy, straightforward message. It should begin by acknowledging the student’s request and granting it so that the student knows the context and the good news immediately. By including the date and an agenda, the writer lets the student know up front that this should be a very good experience.

The body of the message should present the details in a logical, visually appealing order. The writer also has to analyze the audience (student) to think what a student who is nervous and maybe a bit intimidated might need to feel confident about and prepared for the day.

The close might be a friendly forward look to meeting the student and to enjoying the experience. The contact information and deadline for confirming the date also helps both the reader and the writer.
 
Example
Yes, I would welcome the opportunity to have you job shadow with me for a day. Of the days you suggested, June 12 presents the best chance for you to observe a client interview, sit in on a department meeting, and see our project management process.

When you arrive, park in the employee lot. I will meet you at Entrance A at 8 a.m. Because we will be meeting with a client, dress for the day will be business formal (a suit). If you would like to bring a laptop to take notes on your experience, you may; we have wireless access throughout the building.

I have arranged for us to have lunch with Vicki Hughes, my boss and one of the partners. She is eager to answer any questions you have as well.

Please call me at 555-555-5555 by June 5 to confirm the date. I look forward to meeting you.
Adjustment Grants—Case 22, p. 154

In this problem the writer’s company is entirely to blame. Fortunately, no one was injured, as that could have resulted in a lawsuit. Thus, two goals are involved—giving the money back and regaining lost confidence. In addition, Bao did include her receipt and model number, showing that she is interested in resolving the issue and does not appear angry.

However, there is much positive information to include in this message. Bao will get her money back. As giving the money back is the most positive information to be presented, it deserves a prime position. In fact, it deserves to be the opening topic and should be presented cheerfully and positively. Such an opening puts the Bao in a good frame of mind and makes her receptive to what follows. She is also getting an $80 gift card as long as she returns the chair, and the writer can offer her some kind of promotion to entice her to continue business with Office Depot.

Of course, the writer still needs to discuss the broken chair. This part should be presented clearly and in enough detail to be convincing, but there really is not much detail to present. Because no one was hurt, the writer shouldn’t dwell on the possibility of injury and the writer’s relief that no one was hurt. Here the student should take care to use his or her own words and not the wording in the problem.

The close should be an appropriate goodwill comment, possibly a positive look to future business. You might want to have the class brainstorm the possibilities.

Example
Thank you for providing us with your receipt and model number for your desk chair. Your $80 gift card for the full value of your desk chair will be sent to you as soon as the chair is returned. We will pay for the shipping.

The Consumer Product Safety Commission has recalled that desk set. We do, however, have many other safe, high-quality desk chairs that may interest you. You can view them on our website (www.OfficeDepot.com). Because we hope that you will retain confidence in Office Depot as the store that can offer you the best products and most exceptional customer service, I am enclosing a coupon for 30% off your next purchase. 
 
If I can help you select a new office chair or any other products, please call me at 555-555-5555 or email me at j.smith@officedepot.com. Remember that all purchases can be exchanged or refunded within 30 days with the original receipt. I look forward to serving you.
Operational Messages—Case 39, p. 159

This message illustrates how much can go wrong in a message in so few words. Asking students to analyze this message and then revisit the planning stages discussed in Chapter 5 will be useful. Students may think of information the reader might want that isn’t in the original. If they have to invent details, they should do so as long as they don’t change the writer’s original intent. This is also a good opportunity to begin reviewing some of the guides for correctness discussed in Chapter 16. If students wonder whether anyone would really write a message this disorganized and incoherent, you may tell them “yes.” This message was actually sent to employees in a real organization several years ago. Names, of course, have been changed here.

Example
Until the security system is repaired, you will not need your badge to enter the building. Outer doors will be unlocked during business hours.

After 5 p.m., use the handle to exit the exterior front doors. Use keys to lock/unlock all doors.

Thank you for your patience. The system should be repaired by Friday morning.
 

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